When we talk about motherhood, it’s often depicted as an endless act of sacrifice—a silent expectation ingrained in our society and frequently glorified. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We don’t step into motherhood with the intention of becoming martyrs; instead, sacrifice quietly finds its way into our daily lives, until one day, we wake up feeling lost, resentful, angry, anxious, and overwhelmed with guilt.

Many of us grew up in a patriarchal society, where we witnessed mothers giving up parts of themselves, often praised for doing so. As children, our impressionable minds absorbed these patterns, creating unconscious beliefs that shape how we navigate motherhood later in life.

Your adult, logical mind might reject these beliefs. Yet, despite what you know, your subconscious mind—the part of your mind that controls 95% of your life—pushes you to react out of overwhelming emotions like guilt, frustration, anxiety, or anger. And no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to pause and choose to respond differently.

Sound familiar?

The truth is, the best way to care for your loved ones is by first caring for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. By reclaiming who you are, you protect not only your well-being, but also your family from the emotional outbursts that come from being stretched too thin.

In this blog post, we’ll explore the common root causes that are blocking you from experiencing the joys of motherhood—and how to turn it all around.

-IN THIS ARTICLE-

The hidden cost of self-sacrifice in motherhood.
Reclaiming yourself and boldly breaking up with outdated systems.
The shift that created the breakthrough.
Selfish vs Self-care.
Simple energetic & nervous system regulation methods that work wonders.

The hidden cost of self sacrifice in motherhood

Early in my motherhood journey, I was unknowingly brainwashed by the idealized images of motherhood perpetuated through media, social media, and cultural representations.

The “perfect mother” in society is often portrayed as someone selfless, endlessly serving others without asking for anything in return. She’s an expert cook, a flawless housekeeper, always calm and patient, doing everything with a smile on her face. She effortlessly slips into motherhood, without any prior knowledge, education, or support from the so-called village, all while maintaining her pre-baby figure as if it comes naturally.

As a perfectionist and chronic people-pleaser, I bought into this belief because I wanted so badly to be ”good”, to prove my worth and to be loved. I felt heartbroken over losing my body, my career, my privacy, my independence, my sleep, and my time, but I believed this was just part of what motherhood was supposed to be. So, I kept pretending I was fine, kept everything inside, and slowly began to feel resentful.

To cope, I distracted myself through hobbies, binge-watching Netflix or mindless scrolling just to escape my reality. It worked for a while… but before I knew it, my baby had grown into a toddler with a strong will and intense emotions while I was still recovering from giving birth to my second child. Then COVID hit, and my husband was laid off.

That’s when I hit rock bottom. I spiraled into a deep depression. I was so burnt out I couldn’t even get out of bed. I lashed out at the people I loved and crumbled under the pressure of trying to keep it all together. The fear in my children’s eyes when they saw me lose control of myself is something I’ll never forget.

The longer I subscribed to the idea of the so-called “perfect mother” and gave parts of myself until there was nothing left to give, the more I realized that there was indeed a HUGE “cost” to operating under this self-sacrificing belief. That cost was my well-being, my family’s well-being, my sanity, and the loss of my entire identity.

Reclaiming yourself and boldly breaking up with outdated systems

After being honest with myself about how draining it felt to “have to” serve breakfast for my kids first thing in the morning before I even had 10 minutes to collect myself, or how annoying it felt to “have to” entertain the kids so my husband could do his morning workout in peace, I knew it was time to draw a line in the sand and courageously break away from all the “have tos.”

It wasn’t an easy decision, though. I wanted the best for my kids, and I desperately longed to feel worthy of my husband’s love. I feared my kids would feel neglected, or that my husband would be upset with me. And deeper still… if I don’t do it, then who will? Or worse, what if things don’t get done properly (hello, perfectionist and people-pleaser)?

But it had to be done—for the sake of my well-being, and to protect my family from my own emotional outbursts, which were a result of built up resentment over time.

I did talk therapy for most of my adult life, and I was sick of hearing myself repeat the same story over and over again without being able to get past it. I didn’t want to swallow another antidepressant just to shut down my feelings and function like a robot. I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted real change. And I was so ready.

For help with making this particularly big change, I decided to take an alternative route and sought the support of a hypnotherapist. I took the leap and went deep to heal my traumas and rewire my mindset and default programs through subconscious work.

The difference I felt within the first few sessions was profound—a sense of relief, ease, and clarity I had never experienced before settled over me. It was like I wasn’t drowning anymore. I could finally breathe; I could think and see more clearly. I knew there would be no turning back to anything traditional or mainstream after that.

The shift that created the breakthrough

One of the pivotal moments that propelled my mindset to the next level happened when my husband and I were completely on our own. I had just cut ties with my emotionally immature parents to protect my well-being; my in-laws were half a world away, and we had no access to any trusted help.

One day, after a huge fight with my husband, he just took off without a word. I found myself alone, with two toddlers to care for, while I sat on the floor, crying my eyeballs out.

I remember looking at my children and saying to myself in frustration, “I am DONE. There’s no one coming to save me. I need to save myself. My children need me to step the f*ck up.”

Trust me when I say, there is nothing that will light a fire under your ass more than having little kids who are entirely dependent on you to get your sh*t together.

From that moment forward, I shifted my focus from what others were doing—or not doing—back to myself. I finally understood that the breakdown always comes before the breakthrough and that the universe was preparing me to gain the skills I needed to sustain the gifts it was about to bestow upon me.

It was this decision and revelation that laid the foundation for the healing journey that up-leveled my life.

I began to notice big shifts happening in my life, such as: my children’s tantrum frequency dramatically decreasing, my husband becoming more open and receptive towards me, magnetizing clients who are perfect for me, and noticing lucky “coincidences” (being at the right place at the right time, winning prizes, meeting the right people at the right moment) happening ALL the time to the point where I couldn’t deny that these were indeed the byproducts of the inner work I had done, rather than mere coincidences.

Selfish vs Self-care

There’s a fine line between self-care and selfishness. Finding the sweet spot between the two is about finding the balance to say no without guilt and yes without overcommitting.

Self-care is when you prioritize your own needs in order to better serve others. It’s rooted in the intention of caring for yourself so you can show up as your best self for your loved ones, while also protecting them from your worst self when you’re depleted. It’s a proactive approach to maintaining balance, managing stress, and nurturing your physical, mental, and emotional well-being for the greater good.

Selfishness, on the other hand, is when you prioritize your own needs at the expense of others. It’s a lack of consideration for the well-being of those around you, a disregard for their needs, seeking personal advantage without fairness, manipulating situations for personal gain, or showing a lack of empathy and compassion.

The thin line: the same behavior can be viewed as either self-care or selfishness. It all depends on the intention behind the behavior, how you communicate your boundaries, how you find solutions, the empathy and understanding you have for others, and the long-term impact of your choices.

For example:

✅ Waking up late to avoid responsibilities VS waking up late to get enough sleep to function properly.

✅ Isolating yourself in the bathroom to avoid your kids and scrolling mindlessly on social media VS taking time for meditation and exercise to clear your mind and be more present.

✅ Eating sweets in moderation because you enjoy it VS eating sweets to cope with anxiety.

Simple energetic & nervous sytem regulation methods that work wonders

In my personal experience and work with clients over the years, I’ve noticed a clear pattern: when you grow up with authoritarian parents who expect you to behave a certain way or achieve specific things in order to feel loved and accepted, you are likely to become a perfectionist and overachiever as an adult—unconsciously continuing to try to prove your worth to feel safe.

When motherhood entered the picture, I was so out of touch with my feminine side, and I didn’t know how to cope. I was used to hyper-hustling, excelling at my job, rushing to the next big thing, chasing rewards, and being efficient, while resting made me feel guilty. Open schedules made me nervous. I had zero patience when dealing with my children’s emotions, and when stressors arose, my first instinct was to focus on how to fix things.

As women living in a patriarchal society dominated by men, we have been conditioned to tune out our feminine energy, ignore our cyclical nature, and are expected to function like men.

However, there are simple energetic and nervous system regulation methods that can be incredibly effective but are often overlooked in favor of a step-by-step strategic method aimed at fixing problems. Here are some techniques that have created big energetic shifts for me and elevated my mindset on my motherhood journey:

• Balancing my Divine Feminine and Masculine energy: This was incredibly effective in my early days of motherhood, providing me with a ton of clarity and awareness about how I wanted to show up and feel as both a woman and a mother.

• Planning my life around my cycle: Getting the support, understanding, and space I needed from my loved ones has been so empowering and relieving! Plus, making the most of each phase of my cycle has allowed me to be more effective while working less.

• Reprogramming my beliefs with hypnotherapy: This is my go-to method for eliminating overwhelming emotional triggers or unfavorable reactions and expanding my capacity to choose a different way of being.

In essence, motherhood is NOT about self-sacrifice. It is both a brutal and beautiful experience that invites you to heal in the deepest way possible. It is the catalyst that propels you toward the most radiant, glowing, and empowered version of yourself.

Has this blog been helpful to you? If so, let me know in the comments!

Audrey Gabriela

Motherhood Alchemy

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P.S If you are interested to work with me in some capacity start here ⤵️